It took 35 years before I was ready to begin grappling with my gender identity, and nearly another four to truly accept I was transgender. There's no single path to follow on a journey like this, but I hope sharing my story and struggles might be helpful for others.
I know there are some of you who might not understand what it means to be trans, or might object to my embracing this aspect of myself. I ask you to take the time to at least read my story, my thoughts on what this means for my faith, my hopes and my fears to appreciate where I'm coming from. Thank you for your time!
No worries! It has been an educational journey for me too :). If this is a new topic for you, then I recommend starting here:
Here are a bunch of questions I've had myself, been asked by others, or encountered out there in the public domain. I've tried to provide my answers (or the meaningful answers I've found) to these inquiries (select a question to expand it and see the answer):
Variations on this subject are probably *the* most frequently-asked question people have posed after I came out to them.
I get it! Who I'm into is a solid bit of potential gossip, and sexual orientation is a much more familiar "coming out" concept for people than gender identity :P.
This is certainly a personal issue, and answers might be all over the map for each trans person you might ask. In my case, I have a few things to say responding to these questions:
1. Know this as a rule: sexual orientation (a person's romantic, physical, emotional or philosophical attraction to others) is NOT the same as gender identity (a person's innate sense of being male, female, both, neither, etc.). As a trans woman, I can like guys, girls, non-binary folks, or no one at all - my gender identity does not dictate who I find attractive.
2. My journey to understanding myself had nothing to do with who I found attractive. I'm not trans to be with guys. I'm not trans to be with girls. I'm trans ... because I'm trans!
If anything, I have avoided and self-sabotaged relationships for years because I feared eventually blowing them up if I ever faced up to my gender identity. Embracing myself as a woman impacts how I am with other people, not what gender I'm interested in.
3. If I had gone the "just be a gay man instead" route, I would have missed the mark on multiple fronts :). Not only would that have failed to help resolve my identity conflict, but I have consistently found myself attracted to the feminine.
If there is one thing this crazy path has taught me is "never say never." I've certainly been learning a lot about myself. But so far, I remain into gals, which means...
4. Yes, this does mean I'm gay! More specifically, a lesbian. After all, I'm a girl who is into girls!
While some kinds of surgery are often considered by trans people as part of their journey, it's a common misconception that it is the most important pursuit (or a sort of "end goal").
For me, I have no idea what sort of procedures I might want in the near and distant future. I'm not ruling out anything, but I also don't know how much I'll share as I make decisions: just like it would be for anyone, medical procedures are something that I see as private.
I don't fault asking - I definitely get how there is gossip and fascination around a subject like this where people have less direct exposure. But do be careful approaching any trans person and how personal you get when asking questions like this: don't let your curiosity outstrip your sense of propriety, and remember that
none of us are entitled to personal details, no matter how curious we might be :).
This answer is being written now, but you will gradually see it appear as I take a try at it!
(TBD - write answer and reference Philosophy Tube video around the 28 min mark)
This answer is being written now, but you will gradually see it appear as I take a try at it!
